Technology
When should my child get a phone?
Quick answer
There is no correct age, and no research that identifies one. The useful question is what problem the phone solves. If your child travels independently and you need to reach them, a basic phone or watch answers that without handing over social media and an open internet. Most of the difficulty parents report comes not from the phone but from what is on it, so separate the two decisions.
What to consider
- What problem it actually solves
- Contact when they are out alone is a real need with a cheap solution. Wanting what their friends have is a different question and deserves a different answer.
- A phone and a smartphone are separate decisions
- Calls and messages can be granted years before social platforms and an open browser. Splitting them buys you time without isolating your child.
- Whether they can already manage a smaller responsibility
- If a tablet already causes daily conflict, a phone will not go better. Sort the smaller thing first.
- What their friends actually use
- Social isolation is a genuine cost, not a manipulation. It is worth weighing honestly rather than dismissing.
- What you will do when a rule is broken
- Decide this before handing it over. Working it out mid-argument produces rules nobody believes.
The numbers
When most families do it
Commonly somewhere between 10 and 13
This is a description of what happens, not a recommendation. Widely reported survey figures vary by method, so treat any single precise age with suspicion.
Source: Common Sense Media
Cost of a basic phone or tracker watch
Typically well below a smartphone, plus a small monthly plan
Enough to solve the contact problem at a fraction of the cost and the risk.
The decision that matters more than age
Whether social apps come with it
Most reported conflict concerns social platforms and late-night use rather than the device itself.
Source: Common Sense Media
Your options
Your action plan
This week
- Write down the specific problem you are solving. If it is contact, price a basic phone or watch first.
- Decide separately whether social apps are included, and say so out loud.
- Agree where the phone sleeps. Outside the bedroom is the rule worth defending.
- Agree in advance what happens the first time a rule is broken.
Next month
- Check what it is actually being used for rather than how long.
- Review whether the overnight rule survived. If not, fix that before anything else.
- Loosen one restriction deliberately if it has gone well, so trust is seen to be earned.
Watch for
- Sleep getting worse, which usually means the phone is in the bedroom.
- Restrictions being bypassed, which is a conversation rather than a technical problem.
- The phone becoming the only currency in the house.
- Adding rules after an incident rather than agreeing them beforehand.
Common questions
What is the right age?
There is no established correct age. What matters more is whether social platforms and an open browser come with it, and whether the phone leaves the bedroom at night.
Is a smartwatch a good first step?
For contact, yes. It solves the actual need without introducing social media, and it is much harder to lose.
Should I be able to read their messages?
Younger children, generally yes, and say so openly. With teenagers, covert monitoring tends to cost more in trust than it gains in safety. Agree the terms in advance either way.
Where these numbers come from
- The Common Sense Census: media use by tweens and teens Common Sense Media Source of the "typical usage" figures, which describe what children actually do rather than what is recommended.
- Media and Young Minds, and the Family Media Plan guidance American Academy of Pediatrics Source of the age bands used in the screen time calculator: avoid screens other than video chat under 18 to 24 months, and about one hour a day of high-quality programming for ages 2 to 5.
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